Baseball can be Funny:)

The Nats just lost three straight in St. Louis, so this seems like a good time for something to laugh about! Here are 51 classic baseball gems. Enjoy.

1. It ain’t nothin’ till I call it. – Bill Klem, umpire
2. There have been only two authentic geniuses in the world, Willie Mays and
Willie Shakespeare. – Tallulah Bankhead
3. I never threw an illegal pitch. The trouble is, once in a while I toss
one that ain’t never been seen by this generation. – Satchel Paige
4. Ninety percent of this game is half mental. – Yogi Berra
5. If a woman has to choose between catching a fly ball and saving an
infant’s life, she will choose to save the infant’s life without even
considering if there is a man on base. – Dave Barry
6. Who is this Baby Ruth? And what does she do? – George Bernard Shaw
7. The way to make coaches think you’re in shape in the spring is to get a
tan. – Whitey Ford
8. Running a ball club is like raising kids who fall out of trees. – Tom
Trebelhorn
9. I watch a lot of baseball on radio. – Gerald Ford
10. I didn’t mean to hit the umpire with the dirt, but I did mean to hit
that bastard in the stands. – Babe Ruth
11. If you get three strikes, even the best lawyer in the world can’t get
you off. – Bill Veeck
12. Bob Gibson is the luckiest pitcher I ever saw. He always pitches when
the other team doesn’t score any runs. – Tim McCarver
13. Trying to sneak a pitch past Hank Aaron is like trying to sneak the
sunrise past a rooster. – Joe Adcock
14. The other teams could make trouble for us if they win. – Yogi Berra
15. Beethoven can’t really be great because his picture isn’t on a bubble
gum card. – Charles Schulz
16. I think I throw the ball as hard as anyone. The ball just doesn’t get
there as fast. – Eddie Bane
17. Third ain’t so bad if nothin’ is hit to you. – Yogi Berra
18. There’s no crying in baseball! – Tom Hanks in A League of Their Own
19. I never took the game home with me. I always left it in some bar. – Bob
Lemon
20. Well, it took me 17 years to get 3,000 hits in baseball, and I did it in
one afternoon on the golf course. – Hank Aaron 21. After Jackie Robinson, the most important black in baseball history is
Reggie Jackson. – Reggie Jackson
22. We know we’re better than this, but we can’t prove it. – Tony Gwynn
23. It ain’t like football. You can’t make up no trick plays. – Yogi Berra
24. If a horse won’t eat it, I don’t want to play on it. – Dick Allen on
artificial turf
25. You don’t realize how easy this game is until you get up in that
broadcasting booth. – Mickey Mantle
26. Alan Sutton Sothoron pitched his initials off today. – Anonymous, St.
Louis newspaper
27. All I remember about my wedding day in 1967 is that the Cubs lost a
doubleheader. – George F. Will
28. Never root for a team whose uniforms have elastic stretch waistbands. –
Susan Sarandon
29. There ain’t much to being a ballplayer, if you’re a ballplayer. – Honus
Wagner
30. Us ballplayers do things backward. First we play, then we retire and go
to work. – Charlie Gehringer
31. The funny thing about these uniforms is that you hang them in the closet
and they get smaller and smaller. – Curt Flood
32. Sure I played, did you think I was born age 70 sitting in a dugout
trying to manage guys like you? – Casey Stengel, to Mickey Mantle
33. When you start the game, they don’t say “Work ball!” They say “Play
ball!” – Willie Stargell
34. There are two theories on hitting the knuckleball. Unfortunately,
neither one of them works. – Charlie Lau
35. The way to catch a knuckleball is to wait until the ball stops rolling
and then to pick it up. – Bob Uecker
36. Think! How the hell are you gonna think and hit at the same time? – Yogi
Berra
37. The majority of American males put themselves to sleep by striking out
the batting order of the New York Yankees. – James Thurber
38. A hot dog at the game beats roast beef at the Ritz. – Humphrey Bogart
39. He’s the strangest hitter in baseball. Figure him out one way and he’ll
kill you another. – Sandy Koufax on Roberto Clemente
40. As a nation we are dedicated to keeping physically fit – and parking as
close to the stadium as possible. – Bill Vaughan
41. Slump? I ain’t in no slump. I just ain’t hitting. – Yogi Berra
42. A man once told me to walk with the Lord. I’d rather walk with the bases
loaded. – Ken Singleton
43. I’d be willing to bet you, if I was a betting man, that I have never bet
on baseball. – Pete Rose
44. Little League baseball is a very good thing because it keeps the parents
off the streets. – Yogi Berra
45. Lasorda’s standard reply when some new kid would ask directions to the
whirlpool was to tell him to stick his foot in the toilet and flush it. –
Steve Garvey
46. If you don’t succeed at first, try pitching. – Jack Harshman
47. The Hall of Fame is for baseball people. Heaven is for good people. –
Jim Dwyer
48. So I’m ugly. So what? I never saw anyone hit with his face. – Yogi Berra
49. He looks like a greyhound, but he runs like a bus. – George Brett on
third baseman Jamie Quirk
50. The baseball mania has run its course. It has no future as a
professional endeavor. – Cincinnati Gazette editorial, 1879
51. I couldn’t a done it without my players. Casey Stengel on winning the pennant in 1949.

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