Chief Nockahoma Messes With Batters Eye

One often hears baseball announcers talking about a mysterious “batters eye” that exists somewhere out in center field. Having spent more time than I would have normally chosen last night in a discussion about the occult, I was startled to return home to find that Nats Park had seemingly been POSSESSED! The Nats hitters had been rendered powerless by a team in free-fall and a starting pitcher just returning from Tommy-John surgery (whose elbow again self-destructed in the 6th inning). After consulting (before the sun rose this am) with a mystic from Sri Lanka, I’m convinced that Ted Lerner and his baseball team have an unusual problem. Every member of the starting lineup looked like Danny Espinosa at bat! I recommend Mike Rizzo call in one of the 680 registered exorcists immediately for a ceremony to “cleanse” the “batter’s eye.”

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